One is the loneliest number..

This time I didn't have any other fellow 1GAM-Dublin jammers, so I proceeded alone. Tucked myself into my man cave for a long Sunday with our theme for the month ('GIVE UP') and got stuck in.

The Idea

Thinking about 'GIVE UP' and a brilliant on-theme idea someone else in 1GAM Dublin was working on (a Sisyphus / QWOP mashup) led to my own idea. I would make a game pretending to be an oldschool DnD style RPG game, except the twist would be that the character creation process just goes ON and ON til eventually you 'give up' … and the game reveals your score (and the fact that there really is no actual game after character creation..)

Always share your ideas!

The idea was when you started character creation things seemed pretty normal as you chose your race, rolled for stats, picked a name and so on. However more and more petty details would be asked of you such as your background, your personality, your childhood pet, and so on in endless detail. At all times there would be a button available to let you skip to the end of character creation, with the idea being that you would eventually get frustrated and go for it!

I was even thinking of showing a slowly raising '% complete' bar that when you finally filled to 100% would then reveal that you were only finished Section A, and then reset to 0% of Section B, for maximum frustration!

First Prototype

Since what I was building was essentially a really, really long form I decided to build it out in HTML & Javascript (yes this is also sort-of HTML5..). I quickly set up a basic title screen with some simple CSS3 animations to both make it more gamelike and, cruelly, to slow progress down as things slowly animated in one by one.

The only way to win is not to play

I used the Twitter Bootstrap framework to get stuff like nice buttons and predictable cross-browser defaults & CSS resets, then applied some basic font & colour choices on top of it. By the end a very grueling first day I had a character creation framework where the game would automatically load in new sections as you completed them, and let you proceed to the next section once you made a choice (and usually, a sub-choice). However I had only written the first question (race and sub-race) and had none of the things necessary to make this work as a concept (such as the % completion updating itself, or a game-over screen). Still, with all the animations in I could see this was going to be at least 'OK'.

Mechanical Dwarfs always oil their beards.

Fleshing It Out

I managed to spend another few nights before the August 1GAM Dublin meetup, adding different types of question such as a classic Strength/Dexterity/Wisdom section where you rolled 3D6s til you were happy with your stats, plus a game over screen if you got sick of it, and a nicely animated '% Complete' bar. At this point I thought what I needed was to write a Metric Shit Ton of content for it, in the form of convoluted and ever more pointless character questions. But first it was time to show it off at the 1GAM Dublin meetup!

'Smelling Things', just as real an illness as Nevernudity

Here I got a fantastic suggestion from fellow 1GAM'er John Kelly (also the one working on the Sysiphus/QWOP game..) – namely to occasionally throw up an error in the form and roll back to an earlier section. BLAM. This idea changed everything! Instead of writing a ludicrous amount of content I could ramp up the frustration factor in a much funnier way! The next day I implemented rollbacks, threw in just a few more questions and I was ready to release!

The Necromancers are incredibly vain

Have A Play

You can try Futility RPG in your browser right now. Yes, it is possible to win without skipping. No, the rollbacks aren't pre-decided. Yes, this is all a bit much for a joke game!

Play Now!

Check Out The Source

The full source for Futility RPG is available right here, so feel free to have a look and use it in your own projects.

Some Hilarious Feedback

I decided to share the game to the Dungeons & Dragons subreddit since I imagined it would resonate with DnD fans. Quite a lot of people tried it out, with most (rightly!) wondering what was the point of the game. The very first comment I got was just the funniest thing I've read in some time..

Step away from the keyboard, sir.

I also liked this guy, who played right through without ever hitting the joke (the frustrating rollbacks!)

This game isn't frustrating at all!

Hello. With the world economy currently getting its head flushed in a toilet thanks to those bullies "Credit Crunch", "Sub-Prime" and "Collapse in World Trade", and the growing threat this poses to our gaming future, I thought I might suggest some possible alternatives that we may need to fall back on during the period that commentators will likely dub, "the lost years of gaming". By all means, smile and nod, but what will you do for fun when society as you know it has imploded, your only gaming challenge is avoiding the rape gangs, and you have to fight your former friends in mortal combat for breakfast in a can? So please join me as we look into the future with a list that should go some tiny way to preparing you for the dark age of gaming to come, and perhaps some eventualities you dared not contemplate.

1: Deadly blood sport in which you are the prize

You've stumbled across a seemingly abandoned stadium, but wait! Just as you enter the centre circle/fifty yard line, the flood lights suddenly snap on and you are temporarily blinded, stunned for just enough time to allow a marauding gang of punks on dirt bikes to encircle you. Congratulations, you are now part of a deadly blood sport in which you are the prize. Learn to avoid the maniacal shoulder padded goons with spinning chains, nets, tridents and flame-throwers in order to survive. With a little ingenuity and forethought, you can turn the tables on your tormentors, and the hunters will quickly become…the hunted (An ability to use your opponents weapons against them in an ironic way will also serve you well).

2. Sonic.xls

You've dusted off an old Asus you found in the rubble of a Dixons, the chief overseer has gone to bed, and now you can use some of that precious generator fuel to power that baby up and see what you can find to stave off the boredom. You grit your teeth through the slow load times, but after half heartedly playing a few games of Space Cadet Pinball, what else is there? Only a copy of "sonic.xls", a game you at best ignored, at worse reviled; but now as you begin to play, the simple joys of a hobbled Sonic the Hedgehog clone embedded in a spreadsheet begin to push the shadows from your mind, transporting you back to happier times, when you could afford to dismiss such tat.

3. The Kaba Kick

A rare find in a world gone mad, but if you can lay your hands on it, the fun is limitless. A take on the perennial Russian Roulette game, except aimed at children, this "Hippo Kick" (Kaba is Japanese for Hippo) game was originally constructed in the Orient before making its way west in limited numbers. Don't look for it on established trade routes, only the most discerning Bazaars will stock it, and even then, at a price.

4. Tomytronic 3-D Games

As the standard LCD games we knew and loved faded into obscurity due to no one ever having the right size of those "pill" batteries needed to play them, the "Tomytronic 3-D" stood against the tide, allowing all the children of the new world to be lost in a AA battery powered make-believe. Whether it was slaughtering sharks, racing cars or piloting a tank, by simply looking through the two eye-holes, the user was transported to a badly animated technicolor dreamscape reminiscent of the movie Tron. As well as the plentiful supply of AA batteries, these gaming devices have held up remarkably well due to the military grade plastics used in their construction. Military grade, it is said, because these were used by North Korean spec op. troops in training scenarios involving shark killing, car racing and tank piloting. The "Jungle Adventure" units however are said to be less durable by those that have come across them.

5. Dodge the Lava

You probably played this as a kid, probably enjoyed it very much, you didn't think you would have to resort to it again. Refresher course for those of you who forgot; scavenge a gaudy looking carpet (some furniture also helps) and then attempt to make it across to the other side of the room without falling to a horrible searing death in the "lava" below. Use light coloured areas of the selected carpet as safe zones, if you fall in, these are the areas where the magma/toxic ooze has cooled enough for you to survive. However take note that these areas are subject to time limits, and you must leave them within the specified period, usually one or two seconds. The best players are said to be those with the ability to persuade their opponents that their Everything Proof Suit could have totally withstood the lava for longer than everyone is saying, and that it so wasn't two seconds.

There you have it, you are now "prepared" for just a tiny fraction of the terrifying possibilities of life without computers, electricity, decks of cards, and even love. Perhaps even prepared for life in The Hell-Zone.